Where are they now?

Just yesterday, I was sitting inside my partner's living room in Santa Barbara working on the never-ending writing assignments that stand in between me and graduation. 3:00pm strikes the clock and with it, the most soothing sounds in the world. Dozens of little feet hit the concrete as they run to the courtyard for games. Squeals and laughter of youth as the kids play -- they've been sitting in class all day, waiting for their favorite part of life. Knock, knock, KNOCK! The front door shakes with the excitement of the children, "Can we have the red ball please? Please? PLEASE?!" Their faces staring up at me with such earnest, "Yes," I say, "But you have to bring it back, okay? Promise?" "PROMISE!" I close the door to return to my writing, but I feel a longing to go out and play. SLAM! The ball hits the door and the kids are yelling, "Hurry! He's going to score!" I finish the paragraph, put on some shoes, and head outside. "Jasmine! You're going to play with us?!" A boy about 4 years old hits a small red ball over the short metal fence they use as a makeshift volleyball net. I don't know his name because he's new to the complex, but we've already established a bond - names will follow. I hit the ball back and the next fifteen minutes are the most fun I've had in a while.

The children at the Family Opportunity Center

Also on the lawn is Vicki, a 17 year old (almost 18!) young woman who I know very well. I first met Vicki when she was 14. Located in the middle of their housing complex is the Family Opportunity Center (FOC). The FOC is an after-school center that offers academic tutoring, mentorship, and a community of friends for the local children. I began volunteering there my junior year at UCSB and was hired as a youth programmer for the city's Housing Authority my senior year. Vicki was a stand out student, not because of her grades, but because of the innate leadership and potential she had. At just 14 years old, I could see, this young girl could accomplish anything she set her mind to. As is the common story among many of her peers, Vicki was not doing well in school because she chose not to. I had been working on starting a CHOICES program - an ongoing weekly program for teenage girls aimed at providing them with education and tools for making positive life decisions. My supervisor did not think Vicki was a good candidate for the program, but I knew, if given the chance, she would excel in the program. Vicki joined and over the next year, we talked about her dreams and aspirations for the future - something some of these children never really think about. For their families, high school graduation in itself is a major accomplishment. While I agreed, I encouraged my students to envision their lives five, ten, twenty years from now. What did they want to be? Vicki, younger sister of two siblings - both parents at a young age, and older sister to two grade school girls, had much pressure on her shoulders. She set her goal though - she wanted to be a probation officer and to work with juveniles.

Vicki and her sisters.

It's been almost two years since I moved to San Diego, but in that time we've kept in touch. Vicki turned her grades around from failing most classes to now a GPA of 3.4. She applied to intern at the probation office in Santa Barbara and was selected. She's graduating in June and starting at Santa Barbara Community College the next semester. She just had an interview with the Scholarship Foundation and continues to look for opportunities she can pursue. Her sisters are doing well in school and I'm pretty sure if Vicki stays on track, they'll stay on track, too.
My conversations with Vicki look differently now than they did four years ago. By the passion in her eyes, I can tell she believes in herself now. I can't wait to see where Vicki is five, ten, twenty years from now. I have every confidence she'll accomplish her goals, exceed her own expectations, and be making positive change in the lives of those children she aims to help.

Vicki's story is similar to Fern's story and Jonathan's story. Both of these two young men come from challenging backgrounds: no fathers, rocky relationships with their moms, pressure to join gangs, and the constant effort to beat the stereotypes people so easily assign to them. By the age of 17, Jon had a felony on his record because he got caught spray painting a wall. The police call it graffiti. He calls it art.

Art by Fern

Both came to the Family Opportunity Center each week, seeking mentorship and a safe place to stay out of trouble. In the last few years, they have found just that. Both are amazing naturally-talented artists and have used art as a positive outlet. Fern graduated from high school and is enrolled at SB Community College, studying for his degree in art. He spends time volunteering at the FOC and working with the younger kids. Jon graduated high school and is involved in the community, doing stage backgrounds for local theater productions. He and Fern are collaborating to develop an art show case based on the Chicano/Latino experience.

Vicki, Fern, Jon, and the rest of the kids at the FOC are

Fern at graduation 2010.

the students with whom I would ideally like to work. Whether it is at the grade school level or college level through outreach and bridge programs, my heart tells me this is the work I'll end up doing. Providing education and opportunities for kids will help make the world a better place. And nothing is as rewarding as connecting with students and watching them grow into amazing individuals, with the world at their fingertips. My ultimate goal is to positively impact as many students as possible. And when I ask, "Where are they now?" I hope the stories sound like the ones above - stories of believing in oneself, following one's dreams, and paying it forward with the next generation to come.

Stress and Student Leaders

Any professional in Student Affairs is familiar with the ever-increasing levels of stress students are facing. This stress is usually even higher among student leaders. As a result, some student leaders make poor decisions in handling that stress, sometimes resulting in underage alcohol use, a visit to the Office of Student Conduct, and the possibility of losing their leadership positions. I worked with a student leader recently - we’ll call her Nora - who drank so excessively that it resulted in her transportation to the hospital. Leading up to the incident, Nora had not exhibited any signs of being too overwhelmed. I consistently do check-ins with my students and each time, she said she was doing well. The incident however proved otherwise.

I saw this as a developmental opportunity for her, and one for me, as I needed to utilize my knowledge and trainings to shape my approach to addressing the situation. What do I do when a student leader gets into trouble? How can I support him or her while also making sure to address the issue in an educational manner? With Nora, her case went through the student conduct process as per my institution’s procedure. This left me with more of an opportunity to connect with her about what was really happening in her life. In our conversation, I used a student-first approach, trying to identify her immediate needs. When asked what happened that night that prompted her to act so out of character, she responded by explaining she was stressed and anxious about the many projects and involvements she was balancing, especially in the face of midterms. In this conversation, I remembered a recent counseling skills training I had attended a week prior. I remembered to actively listen, to ensure my body language was welcoming (no crossed arms!), and to look for the reasons behind the faulty actions. In our conversation I heard her need for support and presented our Center for Health and Wellness Promotion (CHWP) and the Counseling Center as possible options. I was surprised at her immediate openness to the idea. We scheduled an appointment for her that day so she could meet with a counselor.

I learned much from this incident with Nora. I aim to advise with love and care for my students, and I was disappointed that I had not been more in tune to the level of stress this student was experiencing. I saw that my students needed lessons around self-care and balancing work and a healthy lifestyle. I visited the CHWP the next day and asked for anything they had for tips and techniques for stress relief. I presented those tips to my student leaders at our next meeting, taking about fifteen minutes to review them and the importance of self-care. It is now a staple of our meeting to ask, “What did you do for yourself this week?”

While this incident was a challenging time for my student and for me as her advisor, it was also a learning experience that led to authentic conversation and better proactive measures. I learned the value of asking questions and looking for a response other than "I'm doing well, just busy." My hope is in the future I can better emphasize the importance of self-care with all my students and prevent dangerous situations like the one Nora experienced.


For some stress relief tips, please see:
http://www.sandiego.edu/chwp/documents/OvercomeStress.pdf
http://www.sandiego.edu/usdcc/relaxationexercises.php


If you have any tips of your own, please feel free to comment and add those! Thanks!!

Networking vs. Building a Community

I'm sitting in the Philadelphia airport waiting for my flight back to sunny San Diego. The NASPA annual conference was great! I have mixed feelings about my departure - happy to be returning home after a long trip, but sad to leave my friends who I know I probably will not see for another year. In thinking about these friends, I began to think about the emphasis on networking for a new professional. My first NASPA conference was Seattle 2009. I remember shaking hands with dozens of people - it was quite overwhelming initially. I was fortunate as a student in the NASPA Undergraduate Fellows Program (NUFP) to enter as part of a pre-formed community and to meet students at a similar stage in their education who were also passionate about Student Affairs. That is where my NASPA community began. In addition, I am a proud alumna of UC Santa Barbara, and as such, have a contingency of current students, alum, staff and administrators at each conference. Olè!

This is my third year attending the conference. As the number of faces I recognize increases, I really can see how small the Student Affairs field really is. Connection by 6 degrees? It’s more like 2 in Student Affairs. As I move forward with my education and move on to new institutions, I realize the NASPA annual conference serves a major role in keeping people connected. Highlights of the past week include lunch with my undergraduate mentor, seeing the SLI ’09 group at the NUFP reception, meeting new people at the Region VI reception, and reconnecting with the Santa Barbara crew... what a blast!

Summer Leadership Institute 2009, Seattle University
Sara Blair, Lesley-Ann Brown, and moi

For me, the conference is a place to share knowledge and to expand my tools as a professional. In addition to educational sessions, it is also about these connections. I've found a renewed energy this week. The passion that I have for higher education has been rejuvenated. Connecting with my roots - both NUFP and Santa Barbara - reminds me of the reason I joined the field: relationships, connections, mentorships, and hearts coming together with a purpose of cultivating the best, albeit challenging, experience for our students in preparation to serve as leaders of the future.

My initial point in writing this blog was to point out the differences, from my perspective, between networking and building a community. Networking can look like a handshake and hello, followed by a few words and the automatic exchanging of cards at the end. Building a community, on the other hand, means to authentically and sincerely form a connection with another person in the field. In those authentic connections, I have found a community, one of which is always there to support me and guide me as a new professional, but also one of which needs me as a mentor and guide for the generations to follow. My advice to those entering the field, do network, but make sure to form meaningful connections. And, if we've never met, say hello - let's start building that community! :)

Happy Holidays!

From left to right: April (sister), Lana (sister), Santa (no relation), Tommy (brother), Mom (mom), me (haha), and Roxy (sister).